Unpublished Memories

I can't even begin to count the amount of hours I've spent sitting in front of a camera where the footage that was created never saw the light of day, or the posts that I've written where the publish post button was never pushed.

I feel like my need to blog/vlog suddenly left me.

I used to have a livejournal account that I wrote in for nearly 7 years. It's still there, but I haven't written in it in forever and in a way, I feel really bad. I feel like I've abandoned a trusted confidant. Something that I've poured my heart and soul into, my history, in a sense, and then just one day..... stopped.

Then I picked up a blogpost, thinking maybe a new platform will help motivate me in writing more. I mean, a bunch of my friends in the youtube community have one, so it's a good networking tool other than youtube to stay connected, but even then, my fingers just couldn't type the words I wanted to type.

In a way, I felt like I suddenly had this silencing veil thrown onto me, telling me that I should be careful what I say. In a way, it's true, but at the same time, it's hindered me. Greatly.

I sat in front of my camera today and tried to vlog. Some of the footage I'm sure is usable.. but toward the end I just thought.. why am I doing this? This isn't good footage.. nobody is going to watch this, so why bother?

I really should stop putting myself down and actually just jump in with two feet.

Though I keep saying that and nothing happens.