I told myself I was going to make more videos. I haven't done that yet, besides that small one in the airport nearly two weeks ago. I want to make more vlogs, I want to be more present with in the community, but I'm losing motivation. I don't know why.. well, I take that back. I do know why. I'm trying hard to work on it, but it just seems like there are all these brick walls in my way. I get home from work and the last thing I want to do is make a video.. but I need to. I have to. I want to.
Work today was eh.. I felt off nearly all day. My mood was all over the place. I was happy and hyper in the morning, then toward the afternoon got really quiet and barely spoke a word and was not all with it, then later on before I left I had a decent mood, but wasn't feeling well. I know I'm fighting something off because I have a swollen lymph node under my armpit. ugh..
ugh... now i'm falling asleep at the keyboard.. meds are kicking in.. yep..
short blog is short
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Sunday, October 9, 2011
blurb
I really wish I had friends in the area who I could call in a heart beat if I needed someone...
September Vacation
(This post was written last week-ish)
Oh hai
Right now I'm in Pennsylvania. Arrived back on Sunday and will be here till Weds. So far this vacation is a bit bitter-sweet, which I will explain in a moment.
On Friday, after a two hour delay from massive thunderstorms in Orlando, I arrived in Connecticut. Saturday morning, my brother and I woke up before sun rise and began our day trip up to Maine for my best friend, Theresa's wedding. It was a 4 hour trip up and I had to be there a few hours before since I was going to be doing one of the readings. Once there, I helped Theresa get ready, was told when I was going to go up and do my reading, etc, scolded the groom for trying to sneak a peak and then was greeted by two other of my closest friends. It was nice to have the four of us all together again. In a way, you could call us the girl version of the Marauders (minus the whole one going evil etc).
The ceremony itself was short and beautiful. It was hard to believe that I was sitting there watching my best friend getting married. I'm so happy for her and I know her husband will take amazing care of her. The party afterward was also lots of fun where a bunch of us played catch up with each other.
In a way, Saturday was bitter-sweet. It was awesome to see my best friend get married and to see my three closest friends again, but to only have a day with them and then to have to say goodbye and not know when we'll be able to see other again was pretty hard.
Sunday, Craig and I made our way down to Barryville, NY for breakfast with Phil's parents. It was incredibly weird and surreal to be driving down the route that was practically a normal routine for me every weekend all those years back. When I got there, in some ways it felt like it hadn't even been six years since the last time I was there. There were some changes though. The kitchen was remodeled, they added a half bath down stairs, Phil's garden out back was larger... the only thing missing was Phil.. and it didn't feel right to be there and not have him there.
After breakfast, we walked up to the cemetery where Phil's grave is. A part of me was hoping that after seeing his grave, it would give me some form of closure and help me move on... and in some small way it did, but in a way it almost felt like I was starting to mourn from square one again. His mother told me that he has some nice company around, which was nice.. It took a moment for me to walk up to it since I paused in step and stood there, unsure if I wanted to go closer. My brother had to come up and take my hand to bring me over. I sat down next to his grave and just put my hand on the ground and just sat..I can't even begin to explain what I felt when I had my hand on the dirt. It was almost as if I could feel him. They gave me a moment to be by myself.. which I was thankful for. They haven't gotten his tombstone yet, since they're still waiting for the ground to settle a bit more. So right now, they have a small american flag, one of his whiskey bottles that's holding some flowers, as well as another pot of flowers. I know that Phil would approve of the space that he has right now.. it's a nice area and he's in the country side that he loved so much.
Afterward, my brother and I drove down to Knoebels in PA where we met up with my friends Cody and Justin as well as a few of their friends. It was nice to be able to run around and go on the coasters and the rides and get my mind off of earlier that day.
We stayed till the park closed at 7 and I said my goodbyes to Justin and Cody as well as their friends who came along as well. A part of me didn't want it to end so soon. I rarely see Justin and Cody because of the distance and I was sad to leave, but I know there will be more opportunities hopefully in the future.
Craig and I then drove over to Nana and Uncle George's house which is out in Bucks County. It's a very farm oriented , Quaker type area. Lots of corn.... like.. loads. They have a little farm market run by the Tanner family called Tanner Brother's Market or something along them lines. It's been there since God knows when and it's a store that I love so much. I have so many memories of going in there when I was younger and helping Nana shop for fresh local produce.
-Fast Forward-
I stayed at my Nana's for a few days. It was relaxing to just hang out and not really have anything to do, but a part of me couldn't relax. I kept worrying about Nana and almost in a way, keep an eye on her. Ever since she retired, it seems as if she went down hill. She's not quite the same as she was last time I saw her at Christmas. Her memory isn't as sharp, it's hard for her to move around.. it's down right scary. My uncle and mum are even talking about going over her will this month. I don't even want to think about that. Ugh..
I took the train from Trenton back to Hartford. I couldn't help but be scared for my Nana when she drove back to the house. Thankfully she got back safe and sound.
Next day I was on my way back to Florida on a flight that was not very enjoyable, but thankfully landed safe and sound.
In other news, I have a few more doctor appointments coming up..Starting to get tired of them.. but if it helps.. whatever.
yep
Oh hai
Right now I'm in Pennsylvania. Arrived back on Sunday and will be here till Weds. So far this vacation is a bit bitter-sweet, which I will explain in a moment.
On Friday, after a two hour delay from massive thunderstorms in Orlando, I arrived in Connecticut. Saturday morning, my brother and I woke up before sun rise and began our day trip up to Maine for my best friend, Theresa's wedding. It was a 4 hour trip up and I had to be there a few hours before since I was going to be doing one of the readings. Once there, I helped Theresa get ready, was told when I was going to go up and do my reading, etc, scolded the groom for trying to sneak a peak and then was greeted by two other of my closest friends. It was nice to have the four of us all together again. In a way, you could call us the girl version of the Marauders (minus the whole one going evil etc).
The ceremony itself was short and beautiful. It was hard to believe that I was sitting there watching my best friend getting married. I'm so happy for her and I know her husband will take amazing care of her. The party afterward was also lots of fun where a bunch of us played catch up with each other.
 |
| The one picture the four of us always has to have done at least once a year if we're together |
Sunday, Craig and I made our way down to Barryville, NY for breakfast with Phil's parents. It was incredibly weird and surreal to be driving down the route that was practically a normal routine for me every weekend all those years back. When I got there, in some ways it felt like it hadn't even been six years since the last time I was there. There were some changes though. The kitchen was remodeled, they added a half bath down stairs, Phil's garden out back was larger... the only thing missing was Phil.. and it didn't feel right to be there and not have him there.
After breakfast, we walked up to the cemetery where Phil's grave is. A part of me was hoping that after seeing his grave, it would give me some form of closure and help me move on... and in some small way it did, but in a way it almost felt like I was starting to mourn from square one again. His mother told me that he has some nice company around, which was nice.. It took a moment for me to walk up to it since I paused in step and stood there, unsure if I wanted to go closer. My brother had to come up and take my hand to bring me over. I sat down next to his grave and just put my hand on the ground and just sat..I can't even begin to explain what I felt when I had my hand on the dirt. It was almost as if I could feel him. They gave me a moment to be by myself.. which I was thankful for. They haven't gotten his tombstone yet, since they're still waiting for the ground to settle a bit more. So right now, they have a small american flag, one of his whiskey bottles that's holding some flowers, as well as another pot of flowers. I know that Phil would approve of the space that he has right now.. it's a nice area and he's in the country side that he loved so much.
Afterward, my brother and I drove down to Knoebels in PA where we met up with my friends Cody and Justin as well as a few of their friends. It was nice to be able to run around and go on the coasters and the rides and get my mind off of earlier that day.
We stayed till the park closed at 7 and I said my goodbyes to Justin and Cody as well as their friends who came along as well. A part of me didn't want it to end so soon. I rarely see Justin and Cody because of the distance and I was sad to leave, but I know there will be more opportunities hopefully in the future.
Craig and I then drove over to Nana and Uncle George's house which is out in Bucks County. It's a very farm oriented , Quaker type area. Lots of corn.... like.. loads. They have a little farm market run by the Tanner family called Tanner Brother's Market or something along them lines. It's been there since God knows when and it's a store that I love so much. I have so many memories of going in there when I was younger and helping Nana shop for fresh local produce.
-Fast Forward-
I stayed at my Nana's for a few days. It was relaxing to just hang out and not really have anything to do, but a part of me couldn't relax. I kept worrying about Nana and almost in a way, keep an eye on her. Ever since she retired, it seems as if she went down hill. She's not quite the same as she was last time I saw her at Christmas. Her memory isn't as sharp, it's hard for her to move around.. it's down right scary. My uncle and mum are even talking about going over her will this month. I don't even want to think about that. Ugh..
I took the train from Trenton back to Hartford. I couldn't help but be scared for my Nana when she drove back to the house. Thankfully she got back safe and sound.
Next day I was on my way back to Florida on a flight that was not very enjoyable, but thankfully landed safe and sound.
In other news, I have a few more doctor appointments coming up..Starting to get tired of them.. but if it helps.. whatever.
yep