the following is emo, proceed with caution

It was two weeks Tuesday. It was a bit hard, and thankfully I was able to get an early release since I didn't get any sleep.. that sucked. So I came home, slept for a good chunk of the day, played a little RIFT, slept some more and then went to a meeting at work. Afterward, while we were walking back to wardrobe, a friend of mine and I got to talking. He asked me how I was, and I told him that I was alright, considering. We spoke a bit and he let me vent a bit, which was good... and then he asked me how my local support was, to which I said. "I don't really have local support."

The reason I say that is because I don't have anybody down here that knows who Phil was, so it's one of those... I want to talk about it to my "friends", but I'm not going to unless it's brought up really...cause I mean shit.. it's a heavy subject.

In the end, I'm all alone down here with out any real support. I've been talking with Phil's girlfriend lately, and she and I have been helping each other through this, but the phone can only offer so much support...

I just want someone down here to give me a big hug, say "Hey, let's go out and get your mind off things." and I don't even really have that... Yeah, I have friends and such down here at work, but nobody ever asks me if I ever want to hang out. Nobody goes out of their way to see if they wanna hang out with me. It's always me suggesting and I'm sick of it....I'm just sick of it.

guess I should just take a fucking hint and stop trying..

ugh.. this is such an emo blog...

I'm just so upset and I'm sick and tired of being so upset and hurt and angry and scared and just lost. I don't want to accept that he's gone, I don't want to accept that he killed himself, I don't want to accept anything. I want to believe that this never happened and that everything is fine and life can just go on like normal.

but life is fucked up and plans get screwed up....