Fears

There have been only a few people that I've talked to about this, because at the time I didn't really want to be open about it, but lately since other things have been cropping up, my hopes that previous test results were just some random fluke and things would work out are starting to drift away.

Over the last few months, I've been dealing with a few health issues. Some of them are minor, like cholesterol (which is finally under control) and minor chest wall inflammation that acts from from time to time, to something that down right scares me. The possibility of cervical cancer.

A large part of me is still holding out on hope, praying that everything will turn out fine and that I'll live a healthy life, but I'm getting sick of things going wrong. I just want to be healthy. I'm tired of going to the doctors, I'm tired of having blood drawn, I'm just tired of it. I don't want this possibility to be a reality. What if something goes wrong and I can't have kids? That scares the living crap out of me and I really don't know how I would handle that kind of information. To be honest, it would most likely just devastate me.

I'm getting further testing done in March, since right now there's a possibility of cells going back to normal. The last test showed they were in the first stage of deformity and the doc said that it could go either way. So hopefully the second test will be better.. but lately, I'm not so sure, and I'm getting scared.

oi..