Fears

There have been only a few people that I've talked to about this, because at the time I didn't really want to be open about it, but lately since other things have been cropping up, my hopes that previous test results were just some random fluke and things would work out are starting to drift away.

Over the last few months, I've been dealing with a few health issues. Some of them are minor, like cholesterol (which is finally under control) and minor chest wall inflammation that acts from from time to time, to something that down right scares me. The possibility of cervical cancer.

A large part of me is still holding out on hope, praying that everything will turn out fine and that I'll live a healthy life, but I'm getting sick of things going wrong. I just want to be healthy. I'm tired of going to the doctors, I'm tired of having blood drawn, I'm just tired of it. I don't want this possibility to be a reality. What if something goes wrong and I can't have kids? That scares the living crap out of me and I really don't know how I would handle that kind of information. To be honest, it would most likely just devastate me.

I'm getting further testing done in March, since right now there's a possibility of cells going back to normal. The last test showed they were in the first stage of deformity and the doc said that it could go either way. So hopefully the second test will be better.. but lately, I'm not so sure, and I'm getting scared.

oi..

Dreams

I had a dream the other night that my two bottom front teeth were incredibly loose and were falling/rotting out, and it's not the first time I've had dreams like this, and what bothers me is that they're the ones that stick out the most. The reason? Because in my dream I can feel how loose my teeth are and it's almost to the point where I seriously think it's real and it's disturbing.

I looked up what this could mean and got this link:
http://www.dreammoods.com/cgibin/teethdreams.pl?method=exact&header=dreamid&search=teethintro

"Teeth are used to bite, tear, chew and gnaw. In this regard, teeth symbolize power. And the loss of teeth in your dream may be from a sense of powerlessness. Are you lacking power in some current situation? Perhaps you are having difficulties expressing yourself or getting your point across. You feel frustrated when your voice is not being heard. You may be experiencing feelings of inferiority and a lack of self-confidence in some situation or relationship in your life. This dream may be an indication that you need to be more assertive and believe in the importance of what you have to say"

Which makes sense. I've been having a few issues at work with feeling like I'm not being heard, even though I'm taking the steps needed to be heard. And relationship wise, that's another story.

Have any of you had any of these types of dreams? If so, lemme know.

Huzzah

I'm so proud of myself, cause I actually sat down and made a small video. It's nothin special, but still, it's been a long time since I've actually vlogged and I really do need to get back into the habit of doing it. I miss being active in the YouTube community :(

Anywho, good news! My cholesterol is finally improving! Huzzah! It's been so annoying trying to get that down and I've had to make a few changes in my diet, mostly switching to drinking soy milk and such, which isn't that bad once you get used to it.. the chocolate kind is very yummy!

So yep, that's that. Video time.

Bus bus bus..

I have a blogger app on my phone that I'm trying out. Currently on the shuttle to the trailer. I'm hoping today is a good day cause I have way to much crap on my mind. Oiiii... Funks suck. Oh and hopefully i'll have a new video out this week! Hopefully

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