tl:dr

Why the hell am I posting this? All this is is me being whiny and bratty, but at the same time, I feel like my feelings are validated.

I've made some amazing friends from YouTube. Friends that I'm sure I'll be in touch with for a very long time. Now I am aware that among my friends, I am basically at the bottom of the ladder when it comes to views, subscribers, and hell yes, even video quality. I am able to accept that part really, but at the same time, I can't help but feel annoyed with that, feeling like I'm just the little friend whose tagging around the big rock stars.

This is stupid, really, this entire blog post and my entire feelings toward this, but the reason why I'm doing this is because it has to come out in some way or else it's just going to torture me. I don't like confronting people half the time, I'm more passive aggressive.. but I don't want this to come off this way. I don't. But I'm just going to come out and say it.

On YouTube, there is a box where you can make a list of people who are your friends or people you should sub too, and I've noticed a trend. I'm not on any of my friends' list. Not one. (except MuggleSam, and I thank her so much for that.) And I think I know why. It's because my videos are crap. Yes, they are. I'm fully aware, and I fully accept that, but the fact of the matter remains, I'm not on a "top 8" so to speak.

I have no idea why this petty little thing bothers me so much and I really really don't mean for this to be a guilt trip, cause that's the last thing I want to put my friends through, but still.. how do you tell your friends they're making you feel incredibly left out?

I'm going to buy a new camera soon.. because I want to use this as motivation to prove to people that I am able to make good videos, and I am able to get the number of viewers and subscribers...

ugh... I'm really sorry about this, I really am.. and I hate to be bringing this up and to act like a whiny little child who didn't get picked, but if I don't bring it up.. it would fester and I don't want it to do that either.

oi..

Just pretend this post never happened? k? thanks <3