tl:dr

Why the hell am I posting this? All this is is me being whiny and bratty, but at the same time, I feel like my feelings are validated.

I've made some amazing friends from YouTube. Friends that I'm sure I'll be in touch with for a very long time. Now I am aware that among my friends, I am basically at the bottom of the ladder when it comes to views, subscribers, and hell yes, even video quality. I am able to accept that part really, but at the same time, I can't help but feel annoyed with that, feeling like I'm just the little friend whose tagging around the big rock stars.

This is stupid, really, this entire blog post and my entire feelings toward this, but the reason why I'm doing this is because it has to come out in some way or else it's just going to torture me. I don't like confronting people half the time, I'm more passive aggressive.. but I don't want this to come off this way. I don't. But I'm just going to come out and say it.

On YouTube, there is a box where you can make a list of people who are your friends or people you should sub too, and I've noticed a trend. I'm not on any of my friends' list. Not one. (except MuggleSam, and I thank her so much for that.) And I think I know why. It's because my videos are crap. Yes, they are. I'm fully aware, and I fully accept that, but the fact of the matter remains, I'm not on a "top 8" so to speak.

I have no idea why this petty little thing bothers me so much and I really really don't mean for this to be a guilt trip, cause that's the last thing I want to put my friends through, but still.. how do you tell your friends they're making you feel incredibly left out?

I'm going to buy a new camera soon.. because I want to use this as motivation to prove to people that I am able to make good videos, and I am able to get the number of viewers and subscribers...

ugh... I'm really sorry about this, I really am.. and I hate to be bringing this up and to act like a whiny little child who didn't get picked, but if I don't bring it up.. it would fester and I don't want it to do that either.

oi..

Just pretend this post never happened? k? thanks <3

So here's the deal

Ha.. man, I neglect this blog way too much.

Moving on..

I've recently created an ericaeeks youtube account, but I'm unsure of what to do with it. A part of me wants to make that my official vlog channel, while the eeks1120 could be my nonsense channel where misc. videos go. My only problem with this, is that I've already kind of established myself on youtube as eeks1120 (I have close to 700 subs), and I'm unsure if I should "start over." I'd post a video on eeks1120, stating that I've moved channels, and I may end up x-posting videos for the first few months (not uploading twice.. but I'm sure you understand what I'm talking about) so that some of my subscribers who don't watch all the time can catch on.

I would love to know what you guys think. Let me know. :-d